10. Steps onto the plane and says, “What did I come in here for?”
9. Brags about nailing Orville Wright
8. Beats unruly passengers with instructional seatbelt
7. In-flight movie is footage of his latest colonoscopy
6. Spends most of the flight smoking
5. Heats passengers’ dinners in his pants
4. Never attends rehearsal and barely pays attention to own show. (Oh, I’m sorry, that’s a sign I should retire)
3. The pilot is his great-great-grandson
2. Has not experienced the ‘full upright position’ in years
1. Spends most flights talking to an empty seat
