10. It’s required by the Constitution
9. Compared to me, anybody looks popular
8. Plenty of parking for the Cadillacs
7. If he makes a gaffe, no one will see it
6. Green room stocked with plain yogurt and tap water
5. None of our cameras are hidden
4. He can fire as many Late Show staffers as he wants
3. It’s a chance to win back the lazy freeloader vote
2. Rick Santorum will do this show, but Mitt won’t (video of Santorum saying “That’s bull—-“_
1. John McCain once blew us off — how’d that turn out?