10. Good drivers don’t swallow the car keys
9. Instead of ’10-and-2′, steering wheel positions are ‘1-4-7-9’
8. Smokes without asking permission of passengers
7. Insists on driving with head out of window
6. Crosses four lanes of traffic to go after a squirrel
5. Barely passed written portion of driver’s test
4. He used your car to mount a Nissan Sentra
3. It’s 50-50 whether he parks in the Petco lot or actually in the Petco
2. Slams on the brakes for every bitch he sees
1. Always taking eyes off road to lick himself
