10. He rubs up against your leg — suddenly, your wallet’s gone
9. Coughs up fur ball, then a balloon of cocaine
8. For a cat, he rents a lot of storage units
7. Your dog goes missing, ransom note demands tuna
6. Kathryn Bigelow’s next film is about the hunt for your cat
5. Brings home mice, chipmunks, and the occasional Petco truck
4. Clawed a gang sign into his scratching post
3. Endless, profanity-laced meowing
2. Used to lick himself, now pays a neighbor cat to do it for him
1. Hired dog to be his ‘getaway driver’
