10. “Only five hours to go”
9. “Why can’t every winner be a lesbian?”
8. “Django, party of ten… Django, party of ten”
7. “What would Lincoln find worse – being assassinated, or losing to Ben Affleck?”
6. “Really – another film about salmon fishing in Yemen?”
5. “Of all the award shows, this one is really the most fun” (video of Tommy Lee Jones)
4. “I just won, and I still couldn’t care less about the Golden Globes”
3. “If you’re the owner of a vintage fire engine, license plate L-E-N-O; your lights are on”
2. “Sofia Vergara just won for ‘Best Globes'”
1. “Keep Schwarzenegger away from the help”
