Letterman’s Top Ten Signs You’d Make a Bad Pope

The first pope to use Twitter
The first pope to use Twitter

10. Typically spend Sundays disabled by a hangover

9. Religion isn’t really your thing

8. You pronounce the “P” in “Psalms”

7. Last time God spoke to you, he told you to stay out of church

6. Know nothing about Vatican, know a lot about Vicodin

5. You think “Papal” in an online payment website

4. Only want the job as an excuse to avoid sex with your wife

3. In times of trouble, ask yourself, “What would Keith Richards do?”

2. Your most recent prayer: “Dear God, don’t let it be herpes”

1. Even Jesus thinks you’re a stooge

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February 2013
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