Letterman’s Top Ten Signs Your Pilot Is A Fake

drunk-pilot-copy10. His wrinkled Pan Am uniform

9. Excitedly tells you it’s his first time on a plane

8. During takeoff, furiously flaps his arms

7. He’s also in the Skymall magazine modeling hats

6. Refers to every control in the cockpit as a ‘doo-hickey’

5. Insists on patting down every passenger himself

4. “Flies” you from Gate 3 to Gate 4

3. Wanders through cabin collecting “gas money”

2. When he thanks you for flying, his mustache falls off

1. He can’t hold his liquor

 

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