10. Your first baseman is so fat, he’s also your second baseman
9. Your cleanup hitter has asked to work from home
8. Most of your players believe the uniform buttons in the back
7. Minutes before first pitch, clubhouse kid runs to Dick’s to buy bats
6. Already planning your October vacations
5. Most players spent off-season attempting to steal back their memorabilia
4. Opening Day giveaway is a letter of apology from the General Manager
3. Something is still not quite right with the big dance number
2. Team doctor: Conrad Murray
1. You’re the New York Mets
