10. “Roller coaster has seven loops, zero safety harnesses
9. Sign reads, “You must be this tall to exit”
8. Mascots walk around asking for spare change
7. Before getting on ride, operator checks your inseam
6. Fine print on each ticket says they can harvest your organs
5. So-called “ride” is just some guy shoving you for two minutes
4. Log flume is ‘bring your own log’
3. Most popular ride: The shuttle to the parking lot
2. The poor bastards only have five flags
1. Mr. Toad just gave your wife a wild ride
