Letterman’s Top Ten Thoughts Going Through A Lifeguard’s Mind On A Typical Day

Top 1010. “Just had lunch, so I’ll wait another 30 minutes before rescuing someone”

9. “Shark! No, wait — that’s a guy with a hump”

8. “Americans are more buoyant than ever”

7. “I love being half-naked and staring at people”

6. “How long was I asleep?”

5. “The seagulls are talking to me”

4. “Give me a second, I’m working on my tan”

3. “Getting paid to sit on a chair and do nothing? I’m Letterman”

2. “Maybe I should be facing the water”

1. “‘Help’ or ‘kelp’ — who cares?”

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