10. “Good evening from the Tostitos oval office”
9. “Remember how we thought we’d killed Bin Laden…”
8. “Allow me to explain the situation using puppets”
7. “Great news — China just bought San Diego”
6. “Where’s Forest Whitaker with my coffee?”
5. “We do not yet know who created the super intelligent squirrels”
4. “I’ve deployed three warships: The Roker, The Bieber, and the Weiner”
3. “I won’t sugarcoat things, we’re screwed”
2. “By now you’ve seen and evaluated my underpants photo”
1. Dead Silence (videotape of George W. Bush)
