Q&A with Kaine Fisher, Chairman of Rose Law Group Family Law Department
Divorce Alternatives
“When I said “I do” 10 years ago I took my vows seriously. I still do today. I made a commitment and keeping my promise to my spouse is important to me. But my crumbling marriage is having a negative impact on our children. Are there any alternatives to filing for divorce?”
I always admire those people who arrive at my office for the first time having not given up on their marriage. Call me old-fashioned but there is something to be said about spouses who choose to exhaust every option in a last ditch effort to save their marriage. This is especially paramount when children are involved. It’s no secret that there are ups and downs in every marriage. Most wedding vows even foreshadow these turbulent times. Some couples persevere and uphold their promises to one another. However, some couples simply cannot or will not; that is ok. But why not strive to one day be able to look at yourself in the mirror and know you gave it everything you could.
Divorce lawyers are not in the business of promoting divorce. The public, and even lawyers in other practice areas, seems to have a misperception about this. My responsibility is to assist spouses in divorcing gracefully, and to protect and advocate for them, once that very tough decision has been made. I do not work on a contingency fee basis, and trust me – I’m busy enough not to have to force spouses into divorce when there is a chance (even a small chance) it might work out. I adamantly believe it is my duty to present my clients with alternatives to divorce and at least explore them in some detail.
Litigants in family law matters are often, for whatever reason, filled with strong feelings and emotions, such as anger, resentment, jealously, distrust and disappointment. The first step is to ensure my clients are taking steps to address these emotions through appropriate counseling/therapy. There is no hope for the marriage unless and until my client processes their own feelings and accepts and understands any role they may have played in the deterioration of their marriage. However, I do not force clients into counseling; it is their choice and I respect that. Only when progress has been made on that front, though, can the couple begin thinking about couples therapy or marriage counseling – that is, unless of course, there has been domestic violence in which case I generally recommend divorce as the only course of action. All good family lawyers have a list of referrals for mental health professionals of all sorts. Continue reading
Kaine Fisher, Director of Rose Law Group Family Law Department, can be reached at kfisher@roselawgroup.com or 480-240-5649
