Good evening, my name is Michael, and I’ll be your stalking server tonight

From the Rose Law Group Reporter Growlery

By Phil Riske | Managing Editor

Behold the over-waiter and menu specials. A recent restaurant outing went something like this:

Good evening, my name Michael, and I’ll be your server tonight. Can I start you out with some wine? We have some wonderful box wine from Napa Valley Auto Parts for only $60.

Water’s fine for now.

Okay, I’ll be back with that and tonight’ specials.

Thanks, Mike

Mike’s back in a flash with the water.

Here’ ya go. Let me tell you about tonight’specials. We have shelled armadillo baked in a delicious mayonnaise-honey sauce, and that comes with tater tots, all for only $129.

If you’d like something light, one of my favorites is our strawberry-mashed potato sandwich on toasted rye. That comes with a fried cauliflower-spinach salad for just $60.

Another thing we’re offering to—-

Mike, I think we’ll just pick off the menu, thanks.

I have to finish telling you about our specials; it’s the rule around here. Like I was saying, we’re also offering fried lion’s feet — declawed, of course (laughs) —with a side of lima bean and carrot soup, all for $80. What would you like to order?

We ordered from the menu. Good ol’ Mick popped over every 2.5 minutes to say, Everything OK, here? How’s that water? I see you’ve taken a sip; can I fill it up?

I’m sure a lot of these “waitpersons” are students trying to earn money to pay for their college expenses, but their employers need to reprogram their training more in favor of diners’ privacy and enjoyment.

And please eliminate any zoo items from the specials.

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