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By Keith Walther | Rose Law Group Reporter
This is exactly what Oscar bait looks like folks. “Kiss of the Spider Woman,” adapted from the 1976 novel of the same name and a remake of the 1985 film, goes out of its way to check all the necessary boxes. It’s a musical, it’s a drama, and it is woke from start to finish. Even though it meets all the criteria, it forgets one simple thing, to tell a good story.
Argentina in 1982 experienced civil unrest under its military dictatorship, regularly imprisoning activists. One of these activists is Valentin Arregui (Diego Luna), and in an attempt to coerce his rebel secrets out of him, he’s forced to share his cell with Luis Molina (Tonatiuh). Luis is a window dresser arrested for indecent exposure, and he tries to befriend Valentin by regaling him with the story of his favorite musical starring Ingrid Luna (Jennifer Lopez).
In between torture sessions from the prison guards, Luis takes Valentin’s imagination to a musical world. As they imagine themselves as the leading men to Ingrid’s character, Valentin becomes enamored with the story and with his cellmate.
Bill Condon, who’s responsible for the last two “Twilight” films, directs and co-writes the screenplay for this adaptation of the novel from Argentine writer Manuel Puig. He basically pulls from the multiple adaptations of this story, whether it’s the 1985 film or the 1993 Tony award winning Broadway play or the source material itself, and smushes it altogether to create a deformed, incestual offspring that is rather unappealing. He cuts the song list nearly in half, keeping the prison scenes mostly devoid of music to harness the bleak hopelessness of prison life. The laziness in his direction extends to his detail orientation as he makes some obvious errors. For example, during multiple reality scenes, Argentinian police sirens can be heard in the background, but instead of the two-tone wailing that is the true sound in that country, it is the sound of American police sirens. It’s this kind of minute detail that derails a sense of authenticity, making it feel more like a community theater stage production.
Condon opts for a “Princess Bride” approach to the telling of this story, alternating scenes between the main storyline and the fantasy musical through the narration of the musical by one of the main characters. This allows the director to use a vibrant color palate for those transitions to the musical sequences to help those moments pop for viewers. Unfortunately, the musical numbers themselves feel rushed and unpolished with lyrics that land flat, limiting their emotional impact. A musical that doesn’t feature a memorable song and dance number is ultimately a failure.
If ever there was a performance that felt like an actress begging for an Oscar nomination, then Jennifer Lopez is guilty. She purposefully slimmed down for the role even though it was not necessary, and her performance is filled with flamboyant movements that lack even a hint of emotional depth. The audience is left with a hollow performance that is quite inconsequential and forgettable. It feels like a celebrity pining for acknowledgement, rather than an actress immersed in her role.
For Diego Luna, this role isn’t much of a stretch, seeing as he’s spent a number of years portraying the rebellious character of Cassian Andor in “Rogue One” A Star Wars Story” and the Disney TV series “Andor.” His singing in this film is not easy on the ears, but fortunately, he only has one major song, “An Everyday Man.” However, he does slip in a little comic relief with his initial displeasure and frequent interruptions of the musical transitions.
The true bright spot of the film belongs to Tonatiuh, who steals the show with his passionate portrayal as the musical loving man with feminine sensibilities. He brings an energy to the screen that is undeniable. His vulnerability and self-deprecating humor bring a strong measure of appeal to his character, and his sincere delivery harnesses the rare moments of gravitas in the film.
There are many other musicals that have been done significantly better than this one with a more compelling storyline and more memorable song numbers. “Kiss of the Spider Woman” will leave you with an unwanted hickey of hollow emotions that seems to only care about checking boxes for awards voters. This is one web you don’t want to find yourself stuck in, unless you care more about a woke agenda than a well-conveyed story.
This movie earns:
