10. No time off for Hannukah
9. Dumb people think I’m Kenny Rogers
8. Whenever triplets show up, I have to snap on the third knee
7. January through November
6. One year, Macy’s tried to pay me in cologne
5. Restless beard syndrome
4. Parents, you’re in line for 40 minutes — maybe use that time to learn how to operate your cameras
3. Lap rash
2. Pretending to be jolly gets old pretty fast — like I need to tell this audience?
1. How come no one ever asks what I want for Christmas?
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