I have a skeleton in my closet (from anatomy class).
By Phil Riske | Senior Reporter/Writer
A number of newcomers to politics were elected across the nation Tuesday, prompting me to believe I could be a winner too. In that vein, I am submitting a list here of the top 10 reasons you should vote for me in the next election, when I will be a candidate for a yet-to-be-decided office.
10. I hate avocado.
9. I have a skeleton in my closet (from anatomy class).
8. My tax returns are on file with Phoenix New Times.
7. I have a cat named “Lake,” but she’s spayed.
6. I have been endorsed by the Arizona Association of Storm Sewer Workers.
5. I took a chin music pitch from Randy Johnson without flinching.
4. I will debate my opponents only if my supporters are allowed to bring beer.
3. I will have campaign bumper stickers that will cover the entire rear of your car, as will as yard signs that glow in the dark and play Elvis music.
2. If elected, I will serve. Unless I’m busy.
1. My high school yearbook named me “Most likely to write a stupid internet column listing 10 reasons he should be elected to office.”
