9. “Doctors say you should drink eight glasses of water every speech”
8. “I think I look pretty cool drinking out of a tiny bottle”
7. “Laugh all you want–Poland Spring just paid me a million damn dollars”
6. “This would be a great closer for my ventriloquist act”
5. “That looked presidential, right?”
4. “I’m sure they’ll edit this part out”
3. “OMG, I asked for sparkling water”
2. “Marco Rubio needs his throato lubio”
1. “By 2016, won’t America want a stooge back in the White House?”