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I’ve assessed my chances for an open county office

Posted by   /  November 5, 2019  /  No Comments

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By Phil Riske | Senior Reporter/Writer

Political newbies continue to chalk up wins across the nation, prompting me to believe I could be a winner too. Given developments in today’s politics, I am submitting a list here of the top 10 reasons you should vote for me in the next election, when I will be a candidate for Maricopa County Assessor. 

10. I hate avocado.

9. I have a skeleton in my closet (from anatomy class).

8. My tax returns are on file with Phoenix New Times.

7. I have a cat named “Stormy,” but she’s spayed.

6. I have been endorsed by the Arizona Association of Storm Sewer Workers.

5. I took a high and tight pitch from Randy Johnson without flinching.

4. I am not adopted.

3. I will have campaign bumper stickers that will cover the entire rear of your car, as will as yard signs that glow in the dark and play Elvis music.

2. If elected, I will serve, unless I’m busy.

1. My high school yearbook named me “Most likely to write a stupid internet column listing 10 reasons why he should be elected to office.”                                                       

On second thought . . .

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