Planning for Divorce
By Kaine Fisher
First, I’m sorry you even have to consider divorce. Whether you’re waiting for money that is coming in, for the holiday money to stop going out, or to get the kids through the holidays, you aren’t the only one planning for divorce in the New Year. If you’ve come this far and are serious about taking a step towards the next chapter in your life, there are a number of things to consider and prepare for long before you serve papers.
Make a plan. This may sound obvious and somewhat vague, but it is crucially important for you to recognize. Divorce is a process and not something that gets written up, delivered then you’re done. It is rife with moving parts. Everyone’s plan will be different based on assets, age, parental status, and more, but everyone needs one. Going through a divorce comes with significant costs in money, time, emotion, energy, etc. You will need to think about how you are going to cover each of those costs, and money may be the easiest one. If you have children, start thinking about all of these things for them as well. So, what should be considered in your plan?
1. Knowledge is power
Do you have a good idea of your finances and asset documentation? Are you sure? If you are not in charge of the finances and assets (it’s common for just one person in a marriage to handle all of it) you will need to begin to piece that puzzle together. Knowing is only half the battle. While knowledge is power, you’ll need to get hard copy documentation of everything. You may also want to consider keeping it somewhere other than your home. If your spouse finds copies of this documentation it may ruin your planning.
2. Staying put is usually the best, but know where you can go
Even if you believe this will be an amicable process, and I hope it is, you need to have a plan for where you can stay if things get sour. Staying in your home is generally the most ideal arrangement as it gives you control over personal property such as mail, important documents, but also because it provides the most comfort when children are involved. Should your specific situation require you leave your home, we are probably not talking about a couple nights at a hotel. Have a plan for somewhere that you can be flexible with the length of stay. Family and close friends are often a good choice, but even with them it’s possible to wear out your welcome. Renting a home or apartment is a good alternative, but make sure your lease is flexible enough to accommodate a shorter or longer than expected timeframe.
3. Build a nest egg (sounds better than war chest)
As mentioned, the process can get expensive. Whether it is $5k or $25k, this is probably not an expense you were planning on having, so know how you are going to get the funds together then where you are going to put them. The “when” for your nest egg is just as important as the “how much”. The timing of when you move the money will be integral to your plan and delicate to orchestrate.
4. Kids…the poor kids
This may be the reason you haven’t taken action earlier, but their best interests may have turned into one of the main reasons you are doing something now. If you have children, you will need to consider where they are going to stay if it is not in your home. Will you be moving out with them? Will they need to change schools? Will you have access to enough of the finances to care for them? Beyond day to day logistics you will need to have a plan for how you will explain to them what is going on and how you will deal with their response. Everyone is different and that goes for kids too. You may be surprised how they react. Be ready to deal with a variety of responses including your own.
5. Timing
Do not wait until you want to file to begin planning! It will take time to create this plan. Give some thought to when and how you want to tell your spouse that you want a divorce. Know that the rest of your plan will be in place by then and take precautions to ensure your intentions are not discovered prior to that time. You would be surprised how many documents go missing and how much money gets moved once your spouse finds out you want a divorce.
6. Get the right attorney, not just a good one
Get out and meet with attorneys to start finding one that you have a good rapport with. Just like finding doctors, financial planners, and every other professional service out there, it’s important that you find someone you are comfortable with and who you trust. This will probably be one of the hardest things you will ever do, so take your time finding the right person. The right attorney will be a great resource and a huge help with all of the planning and timing.
More questions about planning for divorce? Contact Kaine Fisher today at 480-505-3936
