10. High obesity rates make me feel better about my body
9. Warnings on cups tell you hot things are hot
8. America has won every Super Bowl
7. Our flag doesn’t have any weird stuff on it
6. It’s the home of French Fries, German chocolate cake, and Korean barbeque
5. No other country has cars, I assume
4. We own Hawaii
3. Not a nation of blowhard teabags like England
2. Even a dumb guy can have his own show…right, Dave?
1. We’re the first country to leave trash on the moon