10. “How about you and I form a more perfect union?”
9. “Who wants to touch my beard?”
8. “Daniel-Day Lewis wishes he looked this good”
7. “Is it true Bloomberg outlawed hats over 16 ounces?”
6. “Damn, girl, you make Mary Todd look like Ulysses S. Grant”
5. (Holding $5 bill next to face) “Does the $5 bill make me look fat?”
4. “Wow, I thought my clothing was outdated”
3. “It’s Presidents’ Day, how ’bout a hug?”
2. “Hey, where’s my idiot son, Abraham W. Lincoln?”
1. “Hey, jackass, you gonna thank me for the day off?”
